Suarez had this coming

Don’t touch me South American

Porque Negro?

- A conversation that has opened a giant can of worms.

The Premier league these days is more soap opera than sport. Starting from Captain Courageous being accused of a similar charge to Steve Kean and the chicken farmers receiving vitriolic abuse for being incompetent nincompoops, the focus seems to be more on what happens before and after kickoff with the game itself almost being a distraction.

Luis Suarez; what do you say? Every time he opens his mouth or uses his hands, he ends up courting trouble. Gifted footballer that he is, there appears to be an inherent nastiness in him that makes him despicable in non-Scouser and non-Uruguayan eyes. Clearly, he should use just his feet to do his talking, although that might be a little too much to ask for considering the appendages at times, find it hard to even keep him standing.

What complicates the situation infinitely in terms of picking a side to back though is the plaintiff Patrice Evra; hardly the epitome of credibility. He’s played the race card in the past almost as many times as van Persie has scored in 2011; he has become quite the modern day O.J Simpson. Hardly surprising then that he’s been censured before and even banned for bringing up false charges.

Racism though is an extremely serious issue and we really shouldn’t let our likes and dislikes for a player/person cloud that sentiment. It needs to be stamped out in its entirety although that might prove a tad difficult when you have cretins like Sepp Blatter at the helm of the world game. His unique solution to tackling racism; shaking hands, (unique because of the sheer unadulterated stupidity) resulted in a new entry into the Guinness Book of World Records for the most number of synchronized facepalms.

While all of us neutrals and Mancs can celebrate that swift albeit temporary justice has been meted out to Suarez (how many people honestly think this 8 game ban is going to overcome an appeal? I mean come on, the justice system in the Premier League is so skewed that you get identical bans for touching an opponent’s face and breaking someone’s leg) the Scousers should really question the competency of their legal representation because quite clearly, Suarez had stupid lawyers. A smart and slightly crooked lawyer would never have let Suarez admit that he said the word ‘negro’. He’d have had Suarez perjure his backside off and brought it down to a ‘my word versus yours’ situation where Evra’s ‘boy who cried wolf’ history would have most certainly lead to an impasse and a dismissal of all charges.

Look at Chelsea’s lawyers! Extremely experienced in the dark arts of jurisprudence, they got John Terry to claim he said ‘I didn’t call you a black c**t’. Ingenious. There’s no way they’re getting at Captain, leader, legend now.

Although I am glad the hearing didn’t accept the ‘it is an acceptable term to use in my native Uruguay’ defence. In India, you see people pee in public all the time and get lynched for a spot of PDA. Just because certain cultures and countries accept something, doesn’t mean it is a. acceptable to the rest of the world or b. right.

Racism is wrong and unfunny*. Period. The F.A for once got it right and the severity of the ban might actually just prove to be a deterrent next time someone wants to dish out the N word. Suarez may not be racist, but he still made an error in judgment and for that he needs to be punished. What’s the alternative then? An apology for not knowing the word was unacceptable? That’s as ridiculous a suggestion as shaking hands and letting bygones be bygones. And it’s not like errors in judgment have never been punished regardless of non-intent. Just ask Kolo Toure.

Now that, brings us to what Luis Suarez is doing now that he’s got all that time on his hands; rigging polls. Better than van Persie? You cannot be serious!

*Racism is wrong and unfunny except when it is on an openly and deliberately irreverent and politically incorrect website like 9gag. This I’ll admit, did make me chuckle