F***in whaa??

That has to be my reaction to Rooney’s ban, or proposed ban, or ban-that-will-be-suspended (fat chance), depending on the state of affairs when this is published. That is also exactly what Rooney said into the camera, which has now been blown up as the greatest faux pas made into a camera since the George Bush days. And I say it again, “F***in whaa??”

Let me be honest, I really failed to see any ’incident’ in this, when it actually happened. When Rooney curled the pearler of a free-kick into the West Ham net for 2-1, I guess all of us just knew this would be one of ‘those’ games. It’s almost a given these days, that it’s a bad idea to score 2 against us within half an hour. United are like the fat Dad with an accent in all Russell Peters sketches - score 2 and we’re standing over the other team, wagging our finger and saying “Somebody’s gonna get hurt reaalll bad!”. With that lovely touch and finish for the second goal, it really was a matter of how many for us from there on (At this point I will refrain from drawing comparisons of will-to-win with certain North London teams, because the Mafia is out to get me).

Which brings us very nicely to the hat-trick goal and (my brain switches to auto-response mode) ”F***in whaa??” Firstly, all those who pointed and laughed at our Chelsea game, and claimed to be the reincarnation of the Buddha while explaining Karma to us, well, suck on it. Elementary Karma 101: It’s a two-way street. Hard luck for Mathew Upson to be accused by Lee Mason of sweeping the whole six-yard box with his arm, but it was no more his fault than Smalling’s ‘trip’ on Zhirkov was. The referee had ‘no choice’ there, but this one’s a clear Non-penalty? Sheesh, these refereeing decision debates are getting to me! That aside, Rooney stepped up calmly, collected his first hat-trick since Fenerbahce or something, and celebrated. No no, wait, let me correct myself. He spewed a load of venom and showed such disrespect to the poor metal-and-glass camera that it was totally shattered. Pun totally intended.

Glass-shattering

Seriously. I really really don’t see what in God’s name the problem is. He had just scored. He had no bone to pick with anyone. He didn’t call anything a f***ing disgrace nor did he shoot people with an air rifle. The fans hadn’t booed him, that’s just the England games. In total, the 90 minutes at Upton Park would have heard about 1,829 ‘F***in somethings’ on the pitch and 83,193 all over the ground. This one alone is the problem? Putting aside all the sensationalism that most news sites are after, this post from Pat Crerand offers a fairly balanced, measured opinion about how the FA f***s with us all the time. Yes, that’s me being measured and balanced.

I cannot be thankful enough that the FA won’t be around tonight at the Bridge, now will Mr. Martin Atkinson. And in the context of the actual match, nor will David Luiz, but that’s another aside. For a sport that stubbornly refuses to allow goal-line technology, camera replays for offside calls or even fouls, it is somehow ok to mete out punishment for camera-facing offenses and ‘retrospectively looking at the incident’? That’s just plain laughable, and smacks of hypocricy for a body that is supposed to develop the sport. Or at the least ensure it’s fair and played in the right spirit all around. As if worrying about unfair referees, unfair transfer policies and unfair fixture lists wasn’t enough (and I mean those for the whole footballing fraternity), now there is the fear of the unfair Big Brother to watch out for. Oh joy.