The purple is to make sure the extent of shock is clear. The girl is incidental. Really.

It was ok when Henry lumbered on against Leeds (don’t get all self-righteous-Arsenal fan on me now, you know he looked slower. And ‘chubbier’) and scored from the loveliest ball that Song must have played in his career. It was also ok when Scholes continued the Story of the Comebacks by turning up at the right place at the right time to break the deadlock against Bolton. That’s all awesome, two greats, two crucial goals, Hollywood is going ‘even we couldn’t come up with those’, fine. But… but… Robbie Keane??

This was a news that didn’t quite make as much headlines as the other two, of course, because Keane is no retuning hero. At last count, he had about 14.5 childhood clubs that he had always dreamed of playing for, and more different dresses in his wardrobe than Kim Kardashian (as is evident, we’re desperately trying to make this site more palatable for the fairer sex). So Aston Villa, finding no value in the transfer market, found Robbie Keane instead and convinced him to join his next boyhood club. Which is all fair and unshocking, till afore-mentioned Robbie Keane starts for aforer-mentioned Villa, and scores a brace from two bloody amazing hits. The man was facing away from goal when he started the motion for his first goal, ffs! Meanwhile in Norwich and Bolton, 85Million worth of talent conjured up new methods to toe-poke, glance, mis-pass and mis-control the ball everywhere but into the goal. Up in the pantheon of football gods, no one noticed the dial on the Irony-meter nearly exploding out of the gauge…

But we digress. This is about the match of the moment! Arsenal vs United, carrying on the great legacy of food throws, tunnel fights, screaming at penalty misses and everything else that will make it to Sky’s ‘Super Sunday’ promo reel. Following the promo-reel of the City-Spurs game before it. Someone’s been really quite clever up in Premier league headquarters, whenever they came up with the concept of Manchester vs North London. Play fierce derby rivals against fierce non-derby rivals so that, by some combination, everyone can always take consolation. You know, like the last time this happened. ‘Sure we lost 8-2, but Spurs lost 5-1. Ha ha ha ha’. There’s also the added benefit of cliched headlines that can follow such convenient matches, saving a lot of journalists from trawling Twitter (where you can follow us too!) for clever headlines and ending up getting into heated arguments with players instead. @rioferdy5, I’m not referring to you.

We are continuing to digress here, and should really get back to the match. Will Scholes or Henry play, probably not. Will Robbie Keane play, definitely not, but give him about a year and he’ll find that Arsenal was his childhood club after all. Based on the result of the match kicking off two hours before, both teams will be going into the game in quite different moods, and with different things at stake. In the interest of keeping the league interesting and really tight at the top, Spurs will pull one over the oligarchy, which will also be in their own interest of course. Manchester City will be left fuming at the red card that was not given in spite of all of Etihad waving their hands in unison as if brandishing a card. Because of course, only people closest to the referee can influence him. Poor Mancini, with only 26 or so full internationals left to pick from because of injuries, African Nations Cup and Tevez, will then sign Xavi and Iniesta as midfield cover.

City's panic signings

Inevitably, like every other paragraph opening, I have digressed once again. I’m trying hard to not get excited about the game, and wandering over everything else that’s happening in football. Screw that. It’s Arsenal-United, and I reserve the right to get all jittery about it! It has been the most unfailingly entertaining of fixtures among all of the big rivalries over time. Many a weekend of this match has been spent jumping, screaming, agonizing, cursing, punching (the air, relax) and most recently, shaking my head in disbelief. I’m totally ready for another roller-coaster. Bring it on I say!

Liverpool, and Manchester United are going to be outdone by Inter Milan as they are close to signing the young Brazilian Lucas.

The 19-year-old Lucas is being predicted to be a future star, and had the two big Premiership sides interested in him.

Italian Newspaper Gazzetta dello Sport says that Inters director of football Marco Branca has flown to Sao Paulo to finish the deal, and complete the paperwork on Lucas in a deal reputed to be worth £20m.

If the Newspaper reports are true it looks like the two big Northwest clubs were sleeping at the wheel, and missed their opportunity to sign the possible Pele of the future.

Lucas is only small at five foot seven, and a half inches, but the attacking midfielder was in FIFA’s players list to watch for 2011, and is one of the hottest prospects in all of South America.

Abdul Aziz, is an aspiring professional footballer from Sweden, who the press have nicknamed “baby Drogba”due to him being born in the Ivory Coast.

The teenage future star plays his football for ISK Norkopping in Sweden, where he also represents his country at under 15 level.

The 14-year-old arrived at Anfield for a two week trial.

Back home in Sweden they are saying that Aziz is the most promising player to emerge for the past ten years.

Since taking over at Anfield the Reds manager has promised to build a club from the ground up, and has been scouring the world for up , and coming talent.

Manchester United, and Manchester City have also shown signs of interest in “baby Drogba” with Aziz coming back later in the year for a trial at Old trafford.

Not to dash any of the Northwest clubs hopes, but Aziz says his favorite team is Real Madrid.

To be reunited?

The Boston Globe is reporting that they may just happen.

In a short piece touching on the prospect of both Liverpool and Roma touring the United States during the preseason, Chelsea is mentioned – along with Celtic – as a potential partner in crime for this so-called tournament. I’m assuming we’re looking at another World Football Challenge, a competition we won in 2009. You may remember me reporting from Baltimore during our 2-1 victory against AC Milan that July. If not, you have to recall the Didier Drogba stunner that opened the proceedings. I’ve included video evidence to refresh your memory.

Anyway. I’d expect an official announcement from the club on this in the very near future. Hopefully this rumor is indeed true, and all of us Yanks will get an additional chance (or chances) to see our boys in action. Perhaps Devin and I will see you out at a match. Perhaps Devin and I will get sloshed with you before a match. I like it.

Dougie Freedman, after talking to Kenny Dalglish and Sir Alex Ferguson about Crystal Palace’s winger, Wilfried Zaha has restated that Zaha is not for sale.

Zaha’s performances has caught the eye of Premier league clubs United and Liverpool, and last week’s report says that the Newcastle United has joined the fight for Zaha. Even though the interest for the young striker is at a high, Freedman has declared that he is not going to let Zaha go and that he needs his amazing services.

He has further said to the Daily Mirror “I’ve had chit-chats with Kenny Dalglish and Alex Ferguson, but he is not going anywhere.”