Arse Wars – Wedgelas Bendtner

Oh hello Arse Wars fans. Fancy seeing you here. Haven’t seen you since the Carling Cup semi where we confirmed that the mighty ARSENAL are going to WEMBLEY!! In the meantime, I’ve been searching high and low for a pair (or a single) tickets for the final and I think my co-conspirator Mr Booth has too, so if you know of any, pleeeeeeeeeease let us know and we’ll love you forever! Anyway, shameless begging over (for now) and it’s over to Daryl for another superb Arse Wars post…

Once again I must thank Keith for allowing me back after the princess Leia pictures.

So next on the ARSEWARS clash on worlds is..

Wedge Antilles.

Wedge has been part of some of the Rebellion’s most important scraps against the evil dark side loving Empire. Started as a young green pilot trying his best to impress, then slowly grew over 3 films into a fine fighter for the good cause.

Ok, most of you may have had to Google Wedge, I don’t blame you.  While Wedge was putting in the hours on the training simulator and ironing his orange flight suit Luke & co were grabbing the headlines.  In fact, some quarters may have even asked “What is the point of Wedge?  He does fuck all, and just bleats on about how great a pilot he is”

Well, to the uneducated eye, yes Wedge does look like short change compared to Luke or Han Solo.  But, make no mistake.  When is counts, Wedge can deliver a nice shot and support when you are ready to write him off.

And while most are stroking their cocks/clits over Han making moves on Leia and saying cool shit like “I got a bad feeling about this” , poor old Wedge is mopping up after them allowing them to get close to the Death Stars exhaust port.

Sure, Wedge may be a little odd looking compared to others (not Jar Jar) but he is a grafter.

And we step over to the Arsenal universe.

Nicholas Bendtner is our Wedge.  While the female fans rub the stuffing out of the `front garden` over Cesc/Samir/Theo good old Nicholas just tries to support and score.  Even when he is stuck out of position on the wing.  He causes problems for defenders (and fans) with his presence, and is sometimes guilty of trying to win the war single handed instead of passing the ball.

Ok, so he runs his mouth off about being the `best in the world` but imagine if Wedge had just cowered into the corner and said he `didn’t fancy it`, the Empire would had won the day.  But no, just like Nicky, Wedge stood tall and kept plugging away.

Sadly, unlike Nicky, after all that heroics and self sacrifice poor old Wedge never got a shag.  Not even a BJ!  Fuck it, not even a wrist of from an Ewok.  And we all know what dirty little sluts the Ewoks were. Gagging for it the filthy fuckers.

No, poor old Wedge doesn’t get to go home and `fuck the prom queen`.  He just nips back to the ironing board and get the creases out of his uniform in time to see Han & Chewie double team Leia.  How is THAT fair?

Well, gladly for our Nicky, he does go home to smash the back doors off a baroness no less!  I will resist the urge to tie in a “once a month she is the red baroness” gag as its bloody rude (ahem….)

For all Nicky’s faults, he has never stopped trying or plugging away.  It would be easy for him to shrivel up and move on, but he has thus far stuck by his (and THE) gun(ner)s.

So next time Van Persie scores and you reach for the tissue and Vaseline (just me then?) spare a thought for our very own Wedge.

May the force be with him, always.

Thanks for reading folks. Back soon with more Arse Wars. Carling Cup Final tickets please!!!

Arse Wars is a collaboration between myself and the brilliant Daryl Booth. For more of the same, visit Daryl’s brilliant blog rantingmad.com

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