Arse Wars – Emperor Palpaterry

Hello Gooners. Welcome to another episode of Arse Wars. It’s over to my partner in crime Mr Daryl Booth again for this one…

Welcome back to another ARSEWARS post from me. Once again, I would like to thank Keith for allowing me to play.

So, the Emperor.

The Emperor is the lynch pin to the whole Star Wars universe. From the political beginnings of being just Palpatine the character has been continuously repugnant. Even at the early stages of his journey along the timeline he is a devious, lying, deceitful individual. He constantly uses his position of power to deflect, manipulate and lie to those around him as a matter of course.

From the moment he laid eyes on a young Anakin Skywalker, he set out to twist and turn the young man to use him for an evil ends. Thankfully, the son of Skywalker (Luke) manages to reach inside his fathers black dead heart and find a glimmer of humanity that sees him turn against the emperor in that final and awesome fight in Return of the Jedi.

Now, the shrinks among you may blame Palpatine’s childhood. They may argue that an absent father (or an abusive present one) caused him to seek love in power and dominance. Perhaps it was lack of hugs from his Mummy when he felt the need to cry. Well, I am of the more pragmatic viewpoint that some people are just cunts, because they are cunts.

It’s all a matter of choice you see. Being evil and a lying bastard takes effort. The sheer will to manipulate those around you draws more thought & work rate than just being nice. So for me the choice is a definite one and thusly, you live with the consequences and label.

So where does this fit into the ARSEWARS universe…

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you former England captain John Terry. A man who has bad coded into his and his families DNA.

From a drug dealing dad, a shop lifting Mum, a brother who shagged a team mates bird and caused said team mate to commit suicide, the whole clan are pretty much tainted goods.

John Terry has arranged `special tours` of the Chelsea ground for £10k (all cash please), shagged Wayne Bridge’s bird, did his level best at drumming up a revolt during WC2010 (despite being stripped of his captaincy) and also just been a massive cunt anyway.

Thankfully now it appears his days are numbered at Chelsea as all those spit roast are finally catching up with him. The sooner he is fucked off out of the England team the better. For me, he is like an in-growing hair on my scrotum, annoying, sometimes painful and NEVER welcome! And the sooner someone plucks him the better.

Sadly Terry sort of typifies some England players mentality. A sort of “I’m rich and untouchable” point of view. Well John, I seem to recall a beautiful bit of karma in a certain cup final when Arsenals Diaby did what I have wanted to do for years. Knock the cunt sparko!

I can see Andy Carroll going the same way. All whores & cocaine. Not all English players are so stupid thank God, but it does seem that a certain few have skipped the bit in football where you extend your skills & career by NOT being an absolute cunt when given the chance of great things.

Like the Emperor Palpatine I would love to see Theo Walcott & Perhaps Jack Wilshere hurl the nasty cunt off a venting tower and watch him hurtle to his death. But that is just me…

Well, that sums up The Emperor well I feel.

So until the cell door is opened again, take care.

Arse Wars is a collaboration between myself and the brilliant Daryl Booth. For more of the same, visit Daryl’s brilliant blog rantingmad.com

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